I thought I had planned well for retirement, what I was going to do, where I was going to live, what I was going to live on, and who I wanted to be close to. Therefore I was surprised when I found myself going through a low-grade depression, in dissonance with myself but also with the world at large. Thirty years earlier, when I became a widow, I had gone through a severe identity crisis. I found extremely difficult the transition from being a member of a couple to being alone in a society that at that time did not make much room for single parents. Was my present frustration a repeat of that but under different circumstances? Could I, by openly writing about it, dignify the discomfort which I was feeling and which I sensed others in the same circumstances were feeling? Could I turn this border crossing into an account that might be meaningful to others? I probed my ambivalences about this life stage. The probing started a backward look to my growing up, to the aging of my parents and friends. I thought about other life stages and the securities and satisfactions of each. This book is a record of that probing and my experience in crossing the border into the land of aging. During this time one feels the uneasiness of being between non-identity and joyous self-confidence. The boundary of this land of aging is undefined, yet entering this stage is a border crossing, nevertheless. I know all retirees do not have my experience. But I believe that people who have found much satisfaction in their careers may find the road slippery when they begin to cross over. Men, more so than women, have difficulty with retirement from work that provided them with their main identity in life. In the future, women will experience this transition more directly. Some men and women glide across without a hitch, of course. But I didn’t. And that is why I write. I hoped to write frankly. The process of growing older forces admission of human imperfection and mortality. Life is going to end. We older adults are part of a vulnerable group, yet a powerful one. We have wisdom, experience, money, and loyalty. Yet what does accumulated experience count for? I recognize that I am probably a better teacher now when I am not teaching than when I began thirty years ago, but I am not now teaching. Nor are many other older adults who have years of experience in their fields now active in them. What is this accumulated wisdom for? To rot? These memoirs and reflections confess my valleys and my mountains. I wanted this writing to be inspirational rather than informational. Therefore I leave the topics of medical care, housing, and financial and legal arrangements to the experts. Instead I have added many stories, knowing a story has the greatest form of power to clarify, to name and rename. In addition to my own journey, I discuss such matters as older adult spirituality, servanthood, creativity, humor, life review, and facing change. As I wrote and rewrote, the main question hammering itself into my consciousness during these border-crossing years was what God has in mind for the older adult and especially for me. Where do those in the last quarter or third of life fit into God’s overall plan? Some six to eight months into the project, it became clear to me that what I was trying to do was develop a theology of aging. I had already done a biblical study of aging (Life After Fifty: A Positive Look at Aging in the Faith Community, Faith & Life Press). Now I wanted to take this one step further and in a different direction. Theologian Krister Stendall writes that “theology is worrying about what God worries about when God gets up in the morning: the mending of creation.’’ What does God worry about regarding older adults? Some ministries to the older adult contribute to feelings of despair, futility, and loneliness because they are not tied to life purposes. Activity is encouraged for the sake of activity, which soon increases a sense of uselessness. Disengagement from life and waiting for death is not good for mental health. When people become older, what needs mending in their relationship to God and humanity? That is the essence of this book. I recognize that caregiving to frail elderly must always continue. But maintenance of health and finances is not the only aspect of older adult ministries. Making sure that the person is on an inner journey, the goal of which is to make faith more intentional, is important. Old age is not the enemy, but the attitudes that accompany aging are. Because the agenda of life changes in the later years, we need to think along new lines. My informal research revealed that older adults are seeking for a place, for a home, not just for a spot to rest their bones. Their lives are as important to them as life is to a younger person. I hear repeatedly from this group that younger people are surprised to hear them say that their feelings are no different than when they were young. Falling in love is still an exciting experience. A sound theology of aging will welcome older adults fully into the household of faith instead of directing them to the sidelines. That reorientation will require a major shift in the way we see and do church. My listening to older adults has showed me that they yearn for a clearly defined place and function that gives greater meaning to their lives. When you face the yield sign of aging, a reminder to older adults to allow a younger generation to move into the fast lane, it is important to keep affirming that life makes sense and has meaning even though death is closer and productivity lessened. Yet this means a shift in our way of seeing the world. My months of writing led to renewal in my own life. Courage, strength, and joy grew with each month of working with the problems I set up. I found I was not tilting at windmills but at issues that many older adults face. I do not claim to have come up with many answers. I am testing the waters. I merely state what I discovered. I live in an area where older adult ministries are as yet mostly a cloud on the horizon. The territory is big. The literature on the topic is extensive. The number of older adults is growing. New models for looking at aging are developing in our society. God is doing a new thing with this generation of older adults who have received the gift of twenty to thirty additional years because of better health and technology. Older adults once were
highly respected and turned to for wisdom and advice. But
their life knowledge became obsolete in a quick shift to
high technology, and their experience was discounted as
also out of date. Then youth climbed onto the pedestal
and received the applause. But they have also tumbled
from the high place once accorded them. The mature
middle-aged adult with power, energy, and public
relations skills is the model for today’s society.
But older adults, because of their increasing numbers
alone, will force society to consider them more. When
their time comes, they will need to have something to
say. Border Crossing orders:
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