THE TURQUOISE PEN

My Best Friend Suzy

Noël R. King

My best friend Suzy is always one turn of the wheel different from anybody else, and I am just the luckiest person alive to be her best friend.

I met her in junior high school, and now we are in the ninth grade and still best friends. Before last month, however, I had never been to her house, and it sometimes made me wonder why, but she said that her mom worked two jobs and needed total peace and quiet in the house before she left for her night job.

One day after school, I said good-bye to Suzy and we headed home in opposite directions, like usual. But then I got the devil of an idea into my head. I decided to wait for a minute or two and then sneak back and follow Suzy home to see what her place was really like.
Three blocks later, I hid behind a wall of mailboxes and watched as Suzy went running into a yard full of flowers and trees. The front door slammed shut behind her on her way into the house, and a few seconds later I heard a grownup yelling:

"Suzy! Hurry it up! We’re gonna be late! You know how important it is to leave exactly on time!"

"Yeah, Mom, I know! I’ll be there in a minute," I heard Suzy yell back.

I thought, "Finally! They’ll all come running out that door to drive away, and I’ll get to see what they look like."

After two minutes had passed and the front door remained closed, I began to wonder where my thinking had gone awry. If my eyes—I’ve got great eyes!—hadn’t caught a sudden movement in the sky, I would have missed it completely.

A sparkling, spinning spaceship was lifting off from Suzy’s rooftop the instant I looked up, but its gleaming hull was gone before I’d even had a chance to blink. Poof!

Propelled by shock, I raced over to Suzy’s front door and pounded on it like crazy.

"Suzy! Open the door! Suzy! It’s me, Amanda! Come back! Come back!"

The next day at school, there she was, standing at her locker just like usual.

I walked straight up to her and said, "Suzy, are you an alien?"

She blanched but said, "What of it? Who wants to know?"

"Suzy!" I wailed loudly and somewhat uncontrollably in her face. "Is it really, really true? Who are you?! Where are you from? What are you doing here??"

"Okay, okay," she said. "Calm down. It’s still me. I’m still your best
friend Suzy. Yes, I come from another planet and, yes, it’s far away, and, yes, my parents are aliens too, and, yes, we’re all here for a reason, but the bell’s gonna ring. I’ll tell you at lunch."

After what seemed like a million time warps had passed, lunchtime finally arrived, and Suzy told me that she and her family were here on Earth on a factfinding expedition.

"We came to try it out before we settle here for good," she told me. "We like a lot of the things you’ve got here—for instance, your oatmeal cookies, both with and without raisins, the warmth of your sun, and all of the brilliant colors of your flowers and even your clothes. But we are sickened at the thought of eating animal flesh, and we can’t stand your game of American football. It seems crazed to us. So all in all, we’re still sorting it out."

She added, "We have to go back and make reports once a week or so. That’s where we were heading when you saw us last night. I looked out and saw you just before we zipped into overdrive.

"It’s okay, though," she went on. "I’m really glad you know now. You can help me with the research."

And that’s how I became an alien liaison, just like that. I had never planned on this being my career, but what could be more interesting or exciting? Suzy says that when they’ve been able to study me enough to make sure I won’t explode or anything like that in their spaceship, they will take me with them back to their place, wherever it is. She showed me on their version of Google Galaxy where their planet is, but honestly I just can’t get my mind wrapped around where it is in all the star constellations, planet systems, etc.

So for now, I just keep attending the ninth grade and eating at Taco Bell and going over to Suzy’s house. They said it’s probably best not to tell anybody else, so I haven’t. I am just dying to go on that spaceship! Although I will probably have to take some Dramamine.

Gotta run! That’s my homeroom bell, and as far as I know, I’m still an Earth Girl! At least for now!

—As circumstances warrant, through her Turquoise Pen column Noël R. King, Scottsville, Virginia, reports on strange and wonderful or worrisome things, including hfriends who turn out to be aliens.